Flip Flop Frankenstein

HELL, MICHIGAN –The story of Frank and his bride turns out to not be such a tall tale after all.

During their honeymoon on the haunted Italian hideaway of Poveglia, the terrifying twosome were spotted strolling hand-in-hand as they toured the island’s famed plague pits. But what surprised the locals most about the cute-but-casually dressed couple wasn’t their PDA, but the complete lack of difference in their heights!

“He had kicked off his boots and was dipping a toe in the surf,” said a local fisherman. “I’m guessing Frank is probably 5’6”, maybe 5’7” at the most. Not much taller than I am. That shocked me,” said the salty sailor. “He’s famous, he’s powerful, I just assumed that he was also massive. A real monster, so to speak. I guess there’s something about the silver screen that makes celebrities seem taller than they actually are.”

Frank and his bride were unavailable for comment, but sources say he’s devastated by the invasion of privacy and plans to sue the paparazzi who caught the barefoot beach bums unaware—and unshod.

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