Sit, Sit, SIT! Tips for Training Your HellHound

KILLEN, ALABAMA – When your hellhound is living up to every inch of its name, who you gonna call?

Now, Cesar Millan. The famed Dog Whisperer is taking on a whole new breed—and it’s a supernatural one. In his new book, “Ghost Doggie, Good Doggie”, Millan shows that he’s more than up to the challenge—even when the canines in question involve bad tempers, super strength, foul odors, and the sometimes-annoying ability to be able to talk back. Here’s a few of his pointers that might help you train your paranormal pooch.

• Stay calm. Your first instinct may be to freak when Fido starts giving you the (really) evil eye—but don’t react. Your dog will mirror your energy. If you’re frustrated, he will be, too!

• Pondering why your pooch is exhibiting problem behaviors like snorting fire on the drapes, or chewing through cement? A lack of exercise is probably to blame. “Dogs need physical and mental stimulation. Period. It doesn’t matter if they’re on this plane or not,” says Millan. A rousing game of fetch-the-skull or a long walk through a menacing mist might just do the trick.

• If your haunted hound has more than one head, make sure to give each one a tasty tidbit if you want to get all their attention (and keep jealousy to a minimum). “Don’t be stingy—this is a great opportunity to bond with all of them,” says Millan. For an inexpensive, yet unexpected treat, try dried devilswort or pickled frog livers. “They’re easy to keep hidden in your hand, and I haven’t met a black beast yet who could resist a bit of liver.”

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2 thoughts on “Sit, Sit, SIT! Tips for Training Your HellHound

  1. I hate to argue with a professional of Mr. Milan’s stature, but these tips don’t quite work with FIDO PUP dogs (Fighting Intelligent Demon Organism Puppy Upgraded Plasma-form dogs). Basically FIDO PUP dogs are an organically grown hellhound with a full on devil-went-down-to-Georgia, demon-dog complex.

    1. When they give you the evil-eye, you had better duck and cover or their laser-vision will kill you (even if you are currently in an after life).

    2. Exercise is great, but an extraordinary skull or walk just does’t cut it with a FIDO. I would strongly recommend a more solid fetch-n-chew toy like a full military grade Hummer (and don’t forget to remove the the engine bits and exhaust pipes before giving it to them – unless you want a bad case of FIDO runs). You can keep the tires, if they are ingested, they’ll just poop ’em out!

    3. More than one head? Are you in your own right mind and state of being? Unless you have two or three spare, personal dopplegangers, I would strongly resist the urge to request a FIDO PUP dog with more than one head (or tail).

    Sincerely, Dr. Deabolique, Demon Dog DVM

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