RED DEVIL, ALASKA— The baseball cap should have been our first clue.
The Yeti, also known as Meh-Teh in Tibetian and the Abominable Snowman, has been spotted around town in toppers from both the Anchorage Bucs and the Seattle Mariners. A close friend confirms that the new look has less to do with a sudden love of baseball and more with the fact that he’s showing a little more forehead than ever before.
“He’s been noticing a lot more hair in the sink lately. And he’s been trying to comb it differently, but it’s really not doing the trick. I think the next step is probably a Caesar cut, or maybe some Rogaine, but you didn’t hear it from me,” says our source.
The “wild man of the snows” has been around since before the 19th century, so it may simply be that he’s feeling his age, although friends say he’s more prone to blame environmental factors to his fading follicles and stress than the ravages of time. They say the baseball cap is just one attempt to recapture his youth and the glory days when he reigned supreme over the frozen tundras of Tibet. “If it becomes an all-over problem, you know, he’s going to have to do something drastic. But a full-body weave is expensive, so he’s going to put that off as long as he can.”